11 weeks pregnant

And here we are at 11 weeks. Quite a surprise since I thought I was approaching 10 weeks.

This was a tough week. Physically and emotionally. This week my Grandma passed away. It was something we saw coming but at the same time we didn’t. She had been sick. She had a lot of things wrong with her. To fix her kidneys would affect her heart. To fix her heart affects her kidneys.

Visiting my Grandma in the hospital the first day, when I saw her, broke my heart and it took everything, and I mean everything, in my power to not burst into tears right then and there. I know I needed to be strong for my mom and not let my Grandma see it on my face. It was scary.

The next day, however, she looked like a completely different person. So much better.  She was talking. She was laughing. She was yelling… she was Gram! And that gave us all hope.

This didn’t last long.

That weekend it wasn’t looking promising. After speaking to my husband about the reality of my Gram’s situation, not what my mom told me, but the reality of her situation, I knew it was just a matter of when not if. When I heard the doctor tell my husband that it could be 6 months, it could be a year, I knew it wouldn’t even be that long. It’s amazing that in a matter of days what can happen to the human body. My Gram was admitted on Thursday, the 4^th of July, on Monday, the 8^th, I was woken to a call from my dad that she was being read her last rites. I was at the hospital by 9am. She was already heavily medicated and she just looked like she was asleep. We sat with her. Holding her hand. Talking with her. She was brought to hospice by 10:30am. I sat there, in a room, with all of my family around my Gram and it hit me that I was going to be with my Gram when she took her last breath. I thought I would be scared to see someone die. Instead, it was a comfort. Towards the end, I saw her eyes open and look up. I was later told by my mom that when people are ready they’ll look up – to heaven. My Gram’s goddaughter came, blessed her with holy oil, said St. Ann’s prayer. Within a matter of 10 minutes, my mom, who was a nurse for 30+ years and knows when it is coming, knew when my Gram was taking her last breaths: Gram mouthed the word “mom” twice – either she saw her mother in heaven or it was the Blessed Virgin Mary. At 6pm, she was gone.

We all knew she was waiting for that final prayer from her goddaughter….

On my Gram’s deathbed, I told her she was going to be a Great Grandma. Whether she heard me or not, I will never know for sure. I like to believe she did. She was responsive through hand squeezes when you told her you loved her. Whether she heard me or not, within moments after 6pm, she knew!

It sounds cliché but it is a comfort to know that after 27 years, she is back with the love of her life – my Grandpa – and with her son, my uncle, who passed away 3.5 years ago.

I realize I am so blessed to have had a grandmother for as long as I have. I’m nearly 30 and I’ve had her my entire life. Almost every childhood memory has my Gram in it. I realize not many people have that and for these moments and memories I am grateful.

She had a very long, fulfilling life. She had a more active social life in her 70s and 80s than I do in my 20s. She was so stubborn and set in her ways but she was so generous and lucky. She was my preschool teacher and taught me so much. I’ll never forget the first time she met my now husband and the up down look she gave him haha. And I’ll never forget how my husband cared for her in the hospital as she was dying.

I can only hope to have half the life she led and do all the things she did.

Every time I go to a restaurant I’ll think of my Gram saying, with crooked finger out, “I can sit in a chair at home, I want a booth.”  So true, Gram, so true...

 Sorry for the downer.... I do want to share baby update as well.
At 11 weeks baby is the size of a lime!

That seems really big to me.

1.6in and .25oz

I look incredibly tired because I am incredibly tired. This is also at night so after a day of food and liquid. It looks like there's a bump but it's really not much larger than it would be from the week I had.
(note: I am still playing catch-up with posts. I am currently 18 weeks pregnant)

road to baby making
week 5
week 6
week 8
week 9
week 10